By Wayne Scheer.
I’m in love, man. You know the fine dark-haired babe with Joey Blackman? I can’t stop thinking about her.
You know Joey. The guy we used to call pizza face. Yeah, that’s the one. All the zits. Lives on Avenue L.
Anyways, I guess his complexion cleared cause lately whenever I see him, she’s hanging on like he owes her money. I go to a movie, there they are. I want a slice two in the morning, guess who’s walking outta the joint holding hands and laughing?
I say to her and Joey, “How yas doing?” and they just nod like those bobble-head dolls they sell at the stadium. I hear Joey, he says, “Ah, he’s just some guy from the neighborhood.” And she says, “He’s kinda cute.”
And Joey, he says, “Yeah, if you like them dumb as a fire hydrant.”
I shoulda punched him out right there, made his face look like a pizza got sausage on it. But what stopped me was thinking about her. She’d be all crying for her poor Joey and pulling at me, like I was some stupid schmuck hit her little Joey for no reason.
Yeah, I know he ain’t that little. That’s the other reason I didn’t grab the bastard.
But I’m in love with her. For real.
No, I mean it. Yeah, it sounds crazy. I don’t even know her name, but she got these eyes when you look into them, you see your life flash by. KnowwhatImean?
You don’t? Well that’s too bad on you. Not appreciating a fine woman and all. What? All you see is she got… Hey, that’s my future Mrs. you talking about.
Okay, apology accepted.
Now all I need is a plan so she sees Joey as the dumb-ass and me as some kinda Einstein. Only cuter.
What? You don’t think it’s gonna happen? And, no, you can’t ask out Karla when I marry Joey’s girl. I got enough to keep both them happy.
Hey, stop laughing before I do to you what I shoulda done to Joey.
Besides, I think my love is fading. Do you see that redhead over there? Man, I love her so much I feel my ankles swell.
WAYNE SCHEER has been nominated for four Pushcart Prizes and a Best of the Net. He’s published numerous stories, poems and essays in print and online, including Revealing Moments, a collection of flash stories. (http://issuu.com/pearnoir/docs/revealing_moments). His short story, “Zen and the Art of House Painting” has been made into a short film. (http://vimeo.com/18491827) Wayne lives in Atlanta with his wife and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.