By Doug Langille.
I can’t find the time to write.
You see, I’m too busy this month. All that chaos of shopping and family. How could I ever be expected to squirrel myself away to write? That’d be rude. The New Year is coming. I’m going to make daily writing a Resolution. Just like last year. Except this time, I’ll do it. For reals. Now, pass me the rum punch. Gotta wash down this damnable fruitcake.
Well, so much for January. I mean, really? I’m so worried about the post-Christmas bills, that I just can’t get in the right head-space for writing. It’s like the Universe’s biggest hangover. Groundhog Day is probably a better day for a Resolution anyway. Gonna write my arse off. As long as it doesn’t snow too much.
It’s the third week of February and it’s done nothing but snow. My back aches and my shoulders complain. I can’t even hold a pen let alone type. The best I can manage is another couple levels on Bejeweled. I thought about writing a poem for Valentine’s Day, but got distracted by Netflix. Don’t judge me.
Man alive! March has this weird holiday week in it. The 14th is Pi Day. The 15th is the Ides of March. On the 16th, we have the day dedicated to ‘that guy who holds the John 3:16 signs at the sportsball events’. Okay, I made that up, but it’s a great excuse to warm up for the 17th. I like green beer, don’t you? Today’s the 18th. That’s International Recovery Day, right? Who can write with all these holidays? And the snow. Always the snow.
April Fools! Can’t write this month either. Between Easter and getting the outside yard work done, I just can’t seem to find my writing chair. The struggle is real. At least the candy season is over…
May brings the first mowing of the lawn followed by the first cold wobbly-pop. If it ever slows down, I got this great idea for a novel. Think: a coming of age post-dystopian romantic noir comedy. No, I’m not going to outline it. I dove right it and started pounding keys. It feels great to write again.
First day of summer and I’m still stuck. What the Haitch-Eee-Double-Hockey-Sticks? At least I got beer.
Okay. Just put the camping gear away. What a blast Labour Day Weekend was! Time to get back to work and back to the grind stone. What happened to July and August? You know exactly what happened. Shut up. Just because I didn’t write doesn’t mean I’m not a writer.
So, this is it. October 1st. National Outline Your Novel Month. Every other year, it’s been ‘randomly surf the internet and not take any notes under the guise of researching my novel’ month. Hey, it’s my process. I’m a special snowflake. Oh, and it’s candy season again. Great.
NaNoWriMo. Hmm. Should be a piece of cake. I’m a writer after all.